Some things we just know—if only we believed it.
I have a friend who recently sent me a couple of messages from a long lost love of hers who suddenly reappeared in her life from out of nowhere, then disappeared again. Let me assure you, it was not to invade the privacy of the sender, rather a last straw when she couldn’t for the life of her understand what happened.
The letters were all very adoring. He said all the right things. So why did he suddenly lose interest and take off?
Like many of us, my friend suffers from a terrible affliction of trying to make sense of things which can never make sense. At least, not in any great detail. I believe the reason we do this is because we’ve lost touch with our intuition. Rather than just know what we know, we live in a constant state of trying to rationalise and contextualise everything.
It’s not surprising, really. We’ve been taught from a very young age that there is no such thing as intuition – a belief which is strengthened throughout adulthood. We aren’t taught this explicitly, but it’s a life lesson we take from experiences like being told not to talk to strangers, whilst at the same time being told not to be rude to people, and to go sit on Santa’s knee.
As adults, we often allow ourselves to be manipulated to some extent when we have big insights from small pieces of information. People are quick to tell us we’re “overreacting” or “looking too much into things”. We decide these people are probably right, and therefore act against our own gut instinct in an attempt to limit the condescension.
I recently read a book called Perfection, a memoir by a woman named Julie Metz whose husband led a double life. She had no idea who he was, until he died from a heart attack and she came across his email account after his death. As the story goes on, it becomes apparent she did have small insights into this man, but perhaps chose not to see them. Naturally, it still came as a terrible shock.
When it came to my friend she already knew the answers. Her long-lost love reappeared unexpectedly when he was going through a difficult time in his life. Perhaps without thinking, he was using her as a Band-Aid fix. They were in love (or lust) many years ago, and he popped back into the picture because it made him feel good that after all these years he could still rouse her interest. It was all about ego.
The ego is simply the part of us which believes itself separate from others and constantly strives for a worthy identity. Being a self-made construct which doesn’t really exist, it requires constant propping up through externalities. My good friend was this man’s temporary life-prop.
In these situations, your broad inner knowing is the truth, but you can’t delve any deeper to nut out the specific scenarios, or specific text messages… because people acting on their ego never make much sense, not even to themselves. They’ll say or do whatever they need to, often contradicting themselves, to get their next boost.
Perhaps we need to stop trying to figure things out, stop listening to those who belittle us, and start paying attention to what we already know?